Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sunday haiku

tiny jewel with wings
I dreamt I saw you last night
hummingbird beauty

I think it also works in reverse:

hummingbird beauty
I dreamt I saw you last night
tiny jewel with wings

Which way works better to your senses? (Personally, I prefer the first one, waiting until the end to reveal the subject of the poem.)

Day 11


Troy said...

What great, succinct imagery. I also prefer the first, and for the same reason.

Robin said...

Wonderful! Love this...and am also with you in preferring the first.

flaubert said...


Wayne Pitchko said...

your haiku is verfy good.....thanks

James said...

They are such jewels. I also like the 1st. The exercise of reversing the lines is something I do with my students. It's a great way to reveal new aspects of a piece.

Heather said...

Troy, Robin, Pamela, Wayne and James - Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and for letting me know which version you prefer.